


As Time Goes By

by lavendersblue



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romance, Songfic I guess?, brief mention of trauma, otp: wait that's my word
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28312179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavendersblue/pseuds/lavendersblue
Summary: Maybe this time, and this man, might just be worth it.Six different scenes in no chronological order inspired by Taylor Swift, Ella Fitzgerald, Ilene Woods, and Ben Platt.
Relationships: Chasten Buttigieg/Pete Buttigieg
Comments: 14
Kudos: 46





	As Time Goes By

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when you listen to Lover too many times. Merry Christmas.

**Cornelia Street**

The cold December air bit at Chasten’s ears as he and Pete walked back from dinner at Pete’s parents’ house, observing the glittering Christmas decorations as they went. Chasten couldn’t take his eyes off of his boyfriend, transfixed by how the twinkling lights reflected in Pete’s eyes and how the color of the tip of his nose could be in competition with Rudolph’s, somehow making him look younger. He couldn’t wait to call this neighborhood his own in a month’s time.

“When I was younger,” Pete piped up, his breath visible, “we never really decorated for Christmas. I mean we had a tree with ornaments and stockings, but we never put up lights outside or anything like that.”

Chasten couldn’t imagine not decorating a house for Christmas. Despite how little money they’d had, his parents had gone to great lengths to make Christmas seem as magical as possible, hanging their homemade wreaths on every door and making reindeer hoof prints in the snow in the front yard. It was one of the reasons why he loved the holidays so much.

“Until one day,” Pete continued, “I came home from school to discover that there were icicle lights hanging from every part of the awning. It looked beautiful. I think about that day a lot.” 

“How come?” Chasten encouraged after Pete had paused for a moment. He had a feeling there was a bit more to this story than Pete had indicated. 

“Well, I guess because it made me feel... somewhat normal compared to the houses of the other kids at school.”

Chasten thought for a moment, looking at the elaborate reindeer display on one of their neighbor’s houses. “How old were you?”

“Fourteen, fifteen, I think.”

Chasten saw where this was going now. “The timing,” Pete said, his voice at a lower level than before, “just happened to coincide with me beginning to realize that something was different. Inside me, I mean. Having those lights up brought a semblance of normalcy—equality, if you will,” with a nudge to Chasten’s arm. Chasten saw a new twinkle in Pete’s eyes that wasn’t from the holiday decorations. His chest tightened, longing to tell that lonely boy that he would be okay. He squeezed Pete’s arm a little where his own arm was entangled, his other hand tucked into Pete’s elbow. 

There were so many elements of downtown that had Pete’s name written all over them—sometimes literally. Chasten thought of the people who had welcomed him with open arms. The city had quickly taken on a new meaning of “home” for him. As had the house itself, with its familiar creaks and noises becoming a comfort to him every time he heard them, because it meant that he was with Pete. This love, a love that was already deeper and more tender and precious in the four months they’d been together than any relationship he’d ever had, made him realize that if he ever lost Pete, he would never come back to this city again. He couldn’t. The heartbreak every time he passed Exit 77 would be too much to endure.

Pete smiled at him as they approached the house. “What are you thinking about?”

Chasten meant to say “Nothing,” but it came out as “How much I love you.”

**Ease My Mind**

Chasten woke up to the startling sound of Pete gasping and violently shooting upright in bed, back ramrod straight. He sounded like he had just been underwater, his quick breaths deep and shaky. Chasten immediately was right there.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. It’s okay,” Chasten whispered. He moved so his face was in front of his boyfriend’s. “It was just a dream. Everything’s okay.” His instinct was to touch him—cradle his cheek, run his fingers through his hair—but Pete still had his eyes closed as he tried to regain his normal breathing pattern, a hand to his chest. He didn’t want to scare him.

Slowly, Pete opened his eyes. Chasten watched as they drifted from his lap and up to his face. The man looked exhausted, and not just because it was the middle of the night. Chasten extended a hand in Pete’s line of vision so he could see where it was going before gently cupping Pete’s cheek, tenderly rubbing a thumb across. Pete leaned into the warmth for a moment before leaning forward to rest his forehead against Chasten’s shoulder without a word.

In the few months they’d spent together and nights slept in the same bed, Chasten had come to know Pete as somewhat of a light sleeper. Chasten had mentioned it once one morning, and all Pete said was: “Yeah. I blame the Bagram base.” Chasten didn’t want to pry, and they left it at that. But never had either of them woken up so violently from what Chasten quickly realized was more than your standard nightmare, judging from how shaky his breaths still were. He continued whispering comforting endearments as he rubbed one hand up and down Pete’s back in what he hoped was a soothing gesture, the other running through his hair, and waited.

Right as the silence was beginning to feel overwhelming, Pete muttered something against his shoulder that Chasten had to strain to hear. “I’m sorry.”

“Shhh, it’s okay. No need to apologize.”

Pete pulled back, but didn’t make eye contact. He looked so worn down. “I didn’t mean to wake you up. I—I’m sorry.” 

“I don’t mind.” 

They fell silent. The room felt colder.

“Do you want a glass of water?” Chasten asked.

“I can get it.” Pete got up and left the room before he heard Chasten’s meek “Okay.”

He sat there for a moment listening to Pete’s footsteps going down the stairs before he moved back to his side of the bed, not knowing what else to do. 

Chasten didn’t ask much about Pete’s deployment. It wasn’t that Pete didn’t mind talking about it, but there was a distinct impression that there was a lot more to the experience than Pete preferred to let on. That was fine. If he wanted to talk about it, he would, Chasten thought. But sometimes, he would catch Pete daydreaming, staring off into nothing, eyes unfocused with a blank expression. He would poke him and Pete would come right back with a small smile and a sheepish apology, but the curiosity remained. With tonight’s episode, he was thinking he might have a better understanding.

The familiar creak on the second step from the top of the stairs echoed into the bedroom before Chasten could give it anymore thought. Pete walked in, pausing at seeing Chasten still sitting up, almost like he didn’t expect him to remain awake, before sitting down on the edge of the bed, his back to his boyfriend. 

The air felt heavy. Pete’s shoulders were hunched over, elbows resting on his thighs. Chasten reached out, wanting to be a comfort, but then pulled his hand back. 

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“I’ll be fine.”

Chasten held back a sigh. He knew that Pete would literally rather eat glass before looking vulnerable, but it was late, and he was worried.

“How long has this been going on?”

Pete shrugged. He seemed to slouch further into himself.

Chasten quickly counted back the months. “Babe. You can talk to me. If you want.”

Pete let out a deep sigh that looked like he had been holding back for far too long. He turned his head enough for Chasten to catch a glistening eye.

_Oh Peter._

“Over a year. Hasn’t it?”

Pete’s posture stiffened. His silence was enough of an answer.

Chasten scooted forward to place a tentative hand over Pete’s shoulder, rubbing his thumb over the muscle until Pete leaned back into it just a little. That was all Chasten needed. He wrapped his arms around his love’s shoulders and across his chest, nestling his chin into the crook of Pete’s neck. Pete grabbed ahold of his arms instantly and leaned the side of his head against Chasten’s. They breathed together, Chasten’s deep ones in contrast to Pete’s shaky ones.

“Why do you put up with me?” Pete whispered. His eyes were still closed.

“Because I love you.” Of that much, Chasten was sure.

Pete huffed an airy laugh at the simple statement. “Sometimes I can’t imagine why. Why you would want to deal with this. It’s already enough for one person; I don’t want you to have to carry it as well. You don’t deserve that.”

Chasten kissed his temple. “You don’t have to carry this alone, Peter,” he said softly. “You’ve got me. Let me help you carry it.”

Pete hesitated. No one had ever offered to help him with his trauma before. He’d never asked.

“We carry each other’s burdens in this house.” Chasten said. “And in this bed.”

Pete melted. “And in this bed.”

Pete twisted to further nestle into Chasten’s embrace, tucking his head into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck. He pressed a kiss to his chin.

Chasten could still feel the gears grinding away. “Talk to me.”

“I just want you to stay,” Pete whispered. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I don’t want this—” he gestured to himself “—to scare you off.”

“You don’t want to scare _me_ off? I’m sorry; have we met? I’m pretty sure I told you I wanted to get married on our first date.” He felt Pete smile against his neck. Progress.

“I’ve been trying to figure out what it is about you that made me fall for you so quickly,” Chasten said, rubbing his back. “Maybe it’s the way nothing else seems to matter when we’re talking, or how you seem to make me smile without even realizing what you’re doing. It could be the way how you always know the right thing to say at exactly the right time. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because you’re you. Whatever it is, I just want you to know that it means the world to me.”

He took a breath. He felt Pete take one, too.

“How do you do that?” Pete asked.

“Do what?”

“Cut through all the noise. All I have to do is hear your voice and suddenly everything makes sense for a little while. You just talk and I feel like I can breathe again. How is that possible?”

Chasten shrugged. He felt oddly flattered. “I don’t know. But I do know that you do the same for me. I’ve never felt as safe as I do with you.”

The heating ducts groaned, sweeping warmth into the room once again. No one would hear of this conversation. It was entirely theirs.

“I’m exhausted.” Pete said. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Do you think you can get back to sleep?”

“Yeah. Just—”

He maneuvered himself out of Chasten’s arms to settle back down, Chasten following suit. He waited until Chasten was comfortable and lay down half on top of him, an arm across his stomach and his head tucked under Chasten’s chin. One leg entangled with another.

“Better?” Chasten asked.

“Yeah.” 

There was no sound but that of their breathing.

“I meant what I said before,” Chasten mumbled, half asleep. “You mean the world to me.” Pete kissed his chest, and Chasten kissed his head.

When Pete got up tomorrow, he would swear he could still feel the comforting warmth of Chasten’s arms around him all day. 

**So This Is Love**

Neither of them had known what to expect from their first time. The only thing they did know was how in love they were, having recently admitted it to each other, and that was enough. More than enough. In fact, they’re happy that they had waited; it made it ever more emotional. 

The memories come in flashes, Chasten remembering more than Pete does. They weren’t sure who had pulled who up the staircase, only that they nearly tripped over themselves in doing so, fitting eager kisses in between their laughter. Pete had paused when Chasten began unbuttoning his shirt for him. 

“Before we do this,” Pete said, “I should tell you… You know that you’re my first boyfriend, right?”

“Yes,” Chasten replied, eyes fixed on Pete’s nervous ones.

“And so, you’ve probably figured out that I’ve never… done this with a man before.” He felt the blush rising to his cheeks.

“I know, babe.” 

Pete wanted to feel embarrassed at how easily his boyfriend had deduced him, but instead found himself reassured. There would be no pretense.

“Are you still sure about this?” Chasten asked. Pete nodded. “Then we can go at whichever pace you’d like. Get as far as you’re comfortable with. There’s no rush, okay?”

Pete nodded again, his heart flowing with aching love for this man. “Thank you,” he said, and he said it so earnestly that Chasten felt a bolt of warmth strike through his chest, like molten lava. Then, a whisper right against Chasten’s ear, “Let’s take it slow,” before shyly pressing a kiss to the spot right under. 

They were both so gentle, experimenting with tentative touches to see which ones got the right reactions. Pete was so shy at first, muffling his sounds in the crook of Chasten’s neck, although of course they both knew that he wanted this as much as Chasten. It was so endearing to Chasten that he could sense how badly Pete wanted to get this right for him. Conversely, Chasten so badly wanted to make it perfect for Pete in every way he had never had for himself. 

The goosebumps rose to wherever he traced his fingers on Pete’s skin, followed by a warm, pink flush. They both giggled at how Pete squirmed when he found his ticklish spots just above his rib cage, and at how Pete arched his back and let out the sweetest sound when Chasten found that spot on his neck with his lips. He made a mental note to take full advantage of those at a later date. Pete was sure that the expressions he involuntarily contorted his face into couldn’t have been attractive, but Chasten found them immeasurably sexy. He loved how he could take his lover from moaning to smiling and back again within the same touch and press. He was pretty sure he had never seen anything more beautiful in his life than when Pete came unreservedly after Chasten told him to let go in a whisper against his lips. 

Later that night, sated and curled up under the sheets, Pete traced little patterns over Chasten’s chest while they basked in the afterglow, whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears and laughing at the silliest things. The smiles couldn’t be wiped off their faces. It had been messy and awkward and funny, but also sweet and tender. Beautiful.

“You’re my world, you know that?” Chasten whispered when they were almost asleep. The kiss to his hand made his chest ache with adoration for the man spooned up against his front, not an inch of space between them. His breathing evened out not too long after.

**I Think He Knows**

Chasten would have bedded Pete by the second date if Pete had let him. What drove Chasten crazy was how unaware Pete was of the fact that he’s an absolute button. He has a distinctly boyish look to him that Chasten thinks makes him the cutest thing he’s ever seen, but all he has to do is quip a dry one-liner or whisper something sweet in his ear and Chasten’s knees go weak. He has to hold his tongue when he sees the veins in Pete’s hand become more pronounced as he holds his glass of whiskey. 

The first time he took—or maybe forced, depending on who you asked—Pete clothes shopping, he had to hold himself to his seat when Pete came out of the dressing room wearing the jeans Chasten had picked out. The only reason why Pete had agreed to buy the pair was because of how enthusiastically Chasten had nodded in response to his question, “What do you think?”

After their first time, it was like the floodgates had opened. They could barely keep their hands off of each other when they were at home. Weekly date nights slowly devolved into more nights spent in than out. It was around this time that Pete learned that all he had to do was smile a certain way, or come up from behind and start kissing Chasten’s neck, and they were off to the races. It made Chasten hot all over knowing that Pete knew how to get him going, even though it was never said—a secret that just the two of them shared.

During the campaign, it was like the honeymoon period had never ended. The periods of absence made their reunions more special and anticipated, even if it was only for a night. Chasten would meet him at a venue after the last event of the day (They were newlyweds who couldn’t stop gushing about each other whenever they were asked. Their team wasn’t stupid.), and Pete would have his hand on his thigh throughout the entire car ride to the hotel, but that was the extent of the touching until the elevator up to their room. 

“You know it’s funny,” Chasten said one night, exhausted from the day’s full schedule and the motions of sex. “I was in three different states today and I could’ve easily fallen asleep at any given minute, and I’m still not tired of you.” 

“Is that supposed to be a bad thing?”

“No, just surprised. Who knew I had the stamina?”

Pete smirked and rolled his eyes. “Probably because you feed off the fact that I can never get enough of you.”

Chasten smiled against Pete’s chest as his heart stuttered. “Flattery will get you everywhere, baby.”

**Isn’t It Romantic?**

“Pack a bag,” Pete said, handing him his suitcase from the back of their closet. “I’m taking you somewhere this week.”

This certainly was not what he expected to hear after finishing grading papers. It was only one in the afternoon. “What?”

Pete allowed a fraction of a smile to slip onto his face. “You have your passport, right?”

“Uh yeah, I think it’s somewhere in the desk.”

“It is. It’s downstairs with mine on the dining room table.”

He felt like he should be sitting up for this. “Babe, what is this? Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.” Pete had that nervous-but-cautiously excited look on his face that always signaled to Chasten that Pete was about to do something to make his heart swell. “Until we get to the airport, at least.”

Pete sat down on the edge of the bed next to Chasten and took his hands. He looked at him with such an earnest expression that it made Chasten’s chest ache. “Do you trust me?” Pete murmured.

“Always,” Chasten replied. Pete’s hands were warm as they sandwiched his own.

“Then I think you’re going to like this.”

As much as he wanted to be whisked away on a romantic getaway by his husband, he tried to think practically. It’s true that he and his students had off this week, but that was because— “Thanksgiving is Thursday. In four days.”

“And we’ll be back by Wednesday afternoon,” Pete reassured him gently. “Enough time for you to get any last minute things for dinner. I know you bought all the necessities the other day. And I asked Mark and Laura to look after the city until Thursday, so she won’t disappear while we’re gone.”

Chasten tried to think if he was forgetting anything else, but it seemed Pete had everything under control. As usual. He started to smile, and Pete smiled back. His husband was whisking him away on a romantic getaway, and there was no getting out of it. “It’s all set?” he asked, hopeful.

“It’s all set,” Pete confirmed. He leaned down to kiss Chasten’s hands before getting up. 

“I guess I should get packing, then,” Chasten laughed.

“Yes. And—almost forgot—we leave in three hours,” and he darted out of the room. Pete’s childlike excitement at the success of his plan couldn’t have been more endearing to Chasten if he tried.

“Peter!”

“Get packing, love!” Chasten heard him exclaim from somewhere down the hall. 

Hours later, cuddled into his husband’s side and gazing out the window at the vast blackness of the Atlantic at night, clutching a boarding pass to Paris that he hadn’t let go of since Pete had passed it into his hand at security with a cheeky smirk, he wondered at how he got so lucky. He had handed the pass to the TSA agent, but refused to look at it and immediately gave it back to Pete to hold until they were through security, knowing how he wouldn’t be able to resist and, he freely admitted, to hold out the surprise for as long as possible. Once they had passed through to the international terminal, he couldn’t take it anymore and stopped them, pulling them to the side. He smiled and cuddled closer, remembering how he had nearly knocked both of them over at the force of his kiss when Pete had finally passed the boarding pass into his hand.

“Are you happy?” Pete had uttered, smiling and breathless from the kiss.

“I’m _so_ happy,” Chasten had laughed as Pete brushed away a tear from his cheek.

And the next night, when they would stand swaying underneath the elm trees to the soft music of a violin from a nearby restaurant, the Eiffel Tower glittering in front of them, Chasten would again wonder at how lucky they were that chance had been on their side in their meeting and falling in love. But for now, as Pete snored peacefully from where his head was comfortably resting against Chasten’s own, Chasten pressed a kiss to his shoulder and closed his eyes. Paris was waiting.

**Begin Again**

The street lights guide him down W North Shore, momentarily lighting up the inside of his car with an orange glow akin to the one emitting from within his chest. The lights start passing too quickly as he drives further away, as if they are telling him to turn around and go back, go grab your heart where you left it at his doorstep. But Chasten knows that trying to go back and take it with him is pointless. It belongs to someone else now. 

Chasten replays the last few hours in his head in awe. He thought about how Pete had been waiting on the porch for him and gave a little wave when Chasten pulled up, like he was too excited to wait inside, or he didn’t want to bother with waiting for Chasten to walk up and knock because he would just be waiting on the other side anyway. It was sweet. 

At one point amidst their engrossing conversation over drinks and Scotch eggs at the pub, Pete had thrown his head back and laughed so freely in response to some joke Chasten had quipped that he didn’t even think was that funny. Not once in their entire conversation from the pub to the ballpark to the river lights did Pete ever interrupt Chasten while he was talking, instead choosing to keep smiling and looking in his eyes. 

His eyes. Those eyes that were so blue and clear and held the reflection of the lights dancing upon the water in a way that made Chasten never want to look away. Those eyes that nervously darted between Chasten’s own and his lips, like he couldn’t help himself.

The further Chasten drives away from Pete’s house, the stronger the feeling is of his heart coming alive again, the feeling that had simmered all evening as a mere spark, but had burst into a roaring fire once they finally separated their lips and Pete had pulled Chasten closer than they’d been all evening, nestling his head into the crook of Chasten’s neck. He was so starved for touch.

“I’m sorry,” Pete had breathed when he pulled back.

“Don’t be,” Chasten breathed back, still in a daze from the sweet sensation of Pete’s lips on his. The fireworks were still enthusiastically bursting above their heads.

Pete bit the corner of his lip, unconsciously making the other side jut out just the slightest. Chasten wanted to kiss it again. “When can I see you again?” Pete asked, and then added, “If you’d like to, of course,” because apparently he hadn’t made Chasten smile enough tonight despite the ache in his cheeks.

“Whenever you’d like.”

Even daring to hope felt dangerous. He tried to tell himself to calm down, it’s just the first date, and he’s been down this road before. Relationships have never done anything for him except burn and end in eviscerating heartbreak. 

_“And yet, you’re here in fucking Indiana for the guy,”_ his inner voice had reminded him. But there was something about how Pete was so interested in him and wasn’t afraid to show it, how he insisted on paying and even left a nice tip, how he was so _sweet_ and how refreshing that was, how he took Chasten’s hand so cautiously, and then firmly, like he had been aching to do it the entire evening and then never dared to let go. And so on this random date, in this random city in this random pub and ballpark and waterfront, when he looked over at Pete on the drive home, his lips still tingling from the kiss, and saw that Pete was looking at him too, he wasn’t afraid when he felt the flutter in his chest. He was in bad, and they’d barely started.

Presently, Chasten pulls off to the side of the road. The street lights are replaced by the bright light of the moon, the same light that had lit up their path along the riverbank before the kiss. He rested his head on the steering wheel and groaned.

“Oh no,” he sighs against the leather. He sits there for a minute, ruminating in what he just got himself into. When he picks his head up and looks at himself in the rear view mirror, he realizes a helpless grin is stretched wide across his face. For the first time in a while, he realizes it doesn’t terrify him. Maybe this time, and this man, might just be worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. x


End file.
